April 29, 2012

Everything's a blur

So in the last week or so, my body's been pretty messed up. My mind never shuts off with worry. My stomach has been so jacked up. One would think I've lost ten pounds just shitting.
For real. Who shits that much?
Smells like a sewer up in here.
My nerves are totally on edge.
Originally I was worried about my First 5k, then my iron issues and cold, then the next 5k and now my up coming surgery.
I haven't been sleeping well. And when u do I dream about off the wall shit.
Tryin to pass the time and not think about things. I've already watched all my recorded dvr stuff.
I've read all my books on my kindle.
I've spent as much time as possible at the damn gym.
I don't know what else to do .
Short of turning my mind off .
Everyone says don't worry. You can do it.
Or it's a routine surgery you'll be fine.
Right . Wink wink.

Kind words aren't helping.
All I hear is blah blah blah
I'm not ready to die
Just yet.
But having lupus makes it all to real for me.

Sorry I wasn't going to talk about this
But it has completely consumed my mind.

Right now I'm
Going to try and lay down and chill.
If that's possible. Someone tell my heart it can slow down now.



  1. I can't tell you honestly that everything will be all right, but I can tell you

    Don't forget to breathe.

    Several deep meaningful breaths throughout the day.

    Also, at times in my life when I thought I was going to die, it helps to know a little bit of yoga, specifically corpse pose, seriously, it really helps.

    Well, that's all I have for semi-helpful advice.

  2. Marcus might be on to something here. I make it a point every single day (at some point) to stop what I'm doing and take three deep breaths. Have done it for years and helps me manage my stress load.